Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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