hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
