Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My balls are so social today.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize