Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
