Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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