Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize