I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
