being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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