please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
