yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
