waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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