My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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