so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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