Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Sober January is a disaster.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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