His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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