I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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