My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's never too late to be topless.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
