I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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