You smell like a Billy Joel song
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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