last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You smell like stripper and shame
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
