I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
