my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
