Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
