Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
