So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
