my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
