So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
