Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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