I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
