Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
