from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize