I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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