She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
