Moan for me like Helen Keller
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just want to make out with him forever
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
