I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Come see our sink grown plant.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
