she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
