She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
