I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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