Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Sober January is a disaster.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
