I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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