yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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