i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
