I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I have demons in me.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize