I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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