smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
