I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
