I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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