I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize