is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
