Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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