Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
