she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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