wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
