Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
