i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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