Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
this is an emotional support booty call
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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