kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
