"it" just moved
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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