pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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