his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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