this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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