Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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