? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
