Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
