he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Randomize
