She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize