Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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