3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
