some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
