Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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