you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
